paullen

finally

2009-08-08T15:13:04Z

yes finally 18, had such a good birthday every minute of it was just great, it all started at midnight wen i was having a drink at work and they gave me a muffin and a candle, it was so sweat, and also free drinks!!!! so was a little typsy early friday morning, had to get up early for work but i didn't mind, i went into work and everyone was so nice just made my day, finished work at 4 and it just went from there, before i culd get out of the door there was a 2 piint tanker sitting at the bar, apparantly its tradition to drink it on ur bday, hmm, newaay i thought down that and then i can get home, but the local maitanence bloke is a big drinker said cmon i shall buy u another one, i said no coz i had noothing to eat all day and i was already feeling the effects of the 1st one, neway got thhat one down me so its now 5 oclock, tecnichally i shuld be in the shower by now, neway walked out of work and dad is there waiting to take me for a drink so we had another pint. by now im thinking its 5.30 im pretty much pissed and had a whole evening yet to come, so i need some food, so once i went home i went straight back to spoons for food (evidence of this can be found outside spoons at the bottom of the steps) basically after spoons we went on a mini pub crawlish waited for the rest to turn up, after that went to the eclipse and boogied on down woop, so yeh had a really good nyt, and am back out again tonyt. (Y)

little synopsis of the past couple of weeks

2009-06-19T23:29:41Z

so exams are finnally over woop woop, i feel so free right now. the past 3 weeks have been the most stressful and hardest weeks of my life so far, 7 exams which all needed so much revising for, ive never seen so much revision needed to even pass,
ryt at the beggining i had retakes for biology, chemistry and psychology. i think they all went alryt. im hoping to get a C's in all of them. then the synoptic papers for biology, psychology and chemistry were next. psychology pyb5 went well i thought. im thinking maybe a D but that is wishful thinking. biology module 5 went epically bad, definatly a U no doubt there, chemistry was yesterday and i thought it went alryt i don't think ive got it but i would really love a C in that module.
after the exams had finished it was a release. i went back to em's with georgia and daryl and we played a little fustration and simpsons cluedo woop woop. then i made pancakes which went epically wrong. if u ever wanted to know wat cardboard tastes like then that is it. then we went back upto college to meet up with jo and abi and the gang and we all made our way down to spoons were we had a curry. it was the quickest cooked curry i have ever had, the curry was on our plate before we even sat down. had a bite to eat, me abs and phipsy managed to stay without getting ID'ed which was funny. we went down to weavers after that were the group got bigger, oscar and max and tom rowe etc were there. had a great laugh there. made our way to hole after that were we all got ropped into doing a pub quiz, we were called quiz on my face : ) oh yes were kwl. the other group were called the panty hamsters. a load of other people didn't stay and went to spoons. the quiz was so hard. all the questions were based round the 1950's i swear. i think we came 3rd from last woop. we beat the panty hamsters though haha. we then buggered off back to spoons were we met up with a load more people. had fun there though coz everyone was just chatting and having a laugh. we were talking to people which normally u wouldn't find urself talking to. like fletch and the taylors.
tonyt we went to see a movie, me fro, chlo, nesh and hellen. went to see hangover at plymouth. that was fun, wasn't expecting the movie to be fun but it was so funny, were gunna go out in bodmin but the lack of ID on most peoples part was a bad idea so went and watched st trinians and nesh's. ah yet again a laugh. the past 2 days are definitly wat was needed after the exams, now i spose is the long wait for results. after that though we are going camping woop. am really looking forward to it, also its something to plan for. its usually 50% of the fun just planning for the trip.
really gutted that chloe is going in 14 days to the navy. have really gotten to know her over the past few months and wish we had more time to go out and shizzle. also going off to uni is exciting but am gunna miss everyone. i know i will stay in contact with anna and em and georgia but there are so many other people i wuld like to be able to stay in contact with.
neway sorry for waffling but thats what livejournal for really isn't it. felt i needed to get the whole exams and grades thing out of my mind so that i can focus on having a laugh for the next 2 months. but its nice to write about something positive on here for once. roll on the fun woop.

was a good week but...

2009-06-04T13:36:11Z

had quite a good week this week, spending a litte time on my own just going here and there, its nice to get some piece and quiet. was looking forward to the pub quiz but now im not so sure. last year it was great because there was no bikering and selfishness over the name choosing, it wasn't a big deal. i felt comfortable going coz there was no one telling me how i should behave, nobody looking down on me. it was fun but this week i have alrady noticed people doing that. first of all its all over the name, oh this is inappropriate, this is shit. our name now is just as innapropriate as the others. its not fair. most people would find them funny, the way i see it is that their parents are going and because they are going, they don't want to have a rude name because they feel embarresed and they know that parents are dead against it. i don't see why we should have to suffer. i couldn't care less what everyone thinks at the pub quiz. i never will see half the people there. im there to have fun, i don't want to be there to be looked down on because we have came up with a rude name "gasp". so now all nyt i can see it being .oh lets calm down coz wat wuld the people on the nxt table think, i couldn't give a flying toss if the people on the next table for example say some teachers think. tbh im just thinking of not going all together now.

another thing i really need to set straight becuase it has fucked me ryt off in the past week is this attitude that i am slagging peoples parents off. i like ur mum and dad and have never said anything bad against them. of course i am gunna be pissed of if ur parents are telling u, u look like a tramp or watever. ur my best friend and i know how long it takes to get confidence and that really is not useful for self confidence. if my parents ever did tht i wuld really bloody let them know how much they pissed me off. the paragraph above also cld be taken as an attack but it isn't. all i am trying to say is yes people have different views on wats appropriate but that doesn't mean that evryone should be expected to act that way. it isn't fair. and also i hate the idea that we are seen as a bad influence on u. ok i know they defo think em is, (u know that neway em) and yeh em does get a bit silly about ur mum sometimes and yeh its not nice but that doesn't mean that everyone has to have their head snapped off.

when i go tommorow i am not being quiet, i am gunna scream and shout. im gunna have a laugh and if people don't like it, they will have to deal with it won't they.

fucking parents

2009-05-09T15:58:52Z

y is it that my parents can't seem to get the concept of coursework. they spent a whole hour today lecturing me on how i have been going to bed really late and because i wake up a little later than usual, they blame me for staying up and watching the tele. i stated that all nyt every nyt i was up untill 2 doing my coursework. so they said we will start having to punish u if u don't get up early. the punishment is that i am not allowed to stay up past 10. they suggested that i do couresork until 10 everynyt and give myself the weekend off. hello how the fuck culd i have done that. it needed to get done. idiots. then they were like, we want u to do well and go to uni, we don't want u to be tired because u have spent the whole nyt watching tele. and then as a result miss college. hello y the hell d u think i am tired, trying to get into fucking uni.

to conclude. parents want me to go bed early so that i am not tired thus get into uni. but really i have to stay up late to finish courework to get into uni. but if oversleep i have to go be early which means i don't get coursework done so then i don't get into uni but they seem to think that making me go bed early will prepare me for uni and make me get into uni. wtf.

also wats with the punishment thing. surely its my deccission and i am 17. stuff like that don't work on me unfortunatley for them

paullen @ 2009-05-05T23:30:00

2009-05-05T22:39:42Z

ive quite possibally had the worst day of my life. y do people have to be so selfish, someone has been a complete cow today and has made me really upset twice today , not once but twice. believe it or not i don't always have the desire to know everything, its just a front, and i thought some people would know that i have some sort of decency. and the worst bit is i am genuinley not happy about it, but its all laughed off as one big joke. i can't quite believe i tried for a whole 30 minutes today to convince my friend to trust me. i frankly have had enough. and i think the low point today was wen the comment, well i have the other crew so y shuld i be bothered. and no i don't want to talk about it becasue quite frankly the whole thing is behind me. maybe tommorow will be a different day. it better be.

mario and luigi

2009-04-24T21:33:01Z

went to maccy D's today with anna and em. cheerz anna for driving us there. then we decided to take a random trip to newquay lol. we walked around a bit and went into an arcade for a bit of a flutter. then on the way back to the car, anna was trying to eat a muffin and a pack of seaguls came down and attacked her and stole her muffin hahaha lmao. then some random 2 guys dressed as mario and luigi started laughing at her. they claimed they were the cornish warriors lol. then i went out tonyt to that sing star thing or watever it was called. it was such a laugh coz those guys were just screaming out phil and it just was so funny. i think me and georgia thought we were at the x factor coz we were like they are shit etc etc etc. the highllight had to be seeing jem aka jo moore lol wat a nob. phil didn't win unfortunatley. he gave it his best shot but some silly girl who sang hero won. i hoped that someone who actually looked like they were aive and not dead won. but hey aslong as i got to see jem it was all alryt (Y).

what a great weekend

2009-04-08T11:12:37Z

ahh wat a great weekend it has been. went to sarahs very late 18th birthday party and there were a good bunch of people there. really didn't think i would feel comfortabe there but surprisingly i did. i didn't really start of drinking much just a few cans here and there. and then the jack daniels came out (cue to vomit) lets just say i may have got a little drunk on that stuff. TIP try not to drink it neat, maybe add something to it. so yeh that was fun and then saturday i won on the grand national, i had 4 horses, black apalachi, state of play, cornish sett and complie or die. won 2nd and 4th place. and nearly won 1st place but it fell at the near to last fence. got a whole £9 on the national got a profit of £1. wooo. then sunday i did nothing then monday nyt i went to georgia's for a party, it was sophies 18th party and got reorganised by georgia and co which was so nice of them. was a really good nyt, didn't get drunk but had a laugh. chloe, georgia and jo took a little nap in the co - op before it closed. it ended in them being asked to leave. lol. mark gave me a lift back for the second time in 4 days lol felt really bad for not offering to give petrol money but i didn't have any money to give. (= little guilty) i think he wanted me to offer but i coudn't. neway the rest of the week is just going to be boring coz all my friens are busy working or on hoiday etc and have a tonne of coursework to do.

responsibility

2009-03-24T00:44:39Z

so life at the moment is pretty darn average. a loot things have happened over the past few months which has forced me to grow up even more than i have done in the past. i have always had a lot of responsiblity in the past which forced me to grow up for example, having to walk not only myself my lil bro to school at a tender age of 9 when he was only 5, i had to make mine and his packlunches etc etc etc. mum was a single mother and had gone through a bad marriage which meant that i had to be the rock, the one with the head screwed on. this made me become the person who i am today (i would say independent). but this is minor responsibilty.

But as all the stuff like having to deal with my little cousin being so ill to the point were we didn't know if he would be able to live let alone walk again made me become a rock for not just my mum this time but the whole family. whilst the whole family cry and worry i just say lets deal with it. recent things have happened resulting in my nan and my aunt falling out which means that we have to look after our other cousin who is completley screwed up its unbelievable. this means that my mum yet again gets all emotional and starts crying and i tried to explain to her that instead of getting upset we just need to deal with the situation rather than running from it. i just feel that my responsibility has just got even more heavier.

It scares me sometimes because i think shit wat the fuck am i gunna do coz there is no one else to talk to, i am only seventeen and yet i feel so much is expected of me. am really looking forward to uni but yet i am not. i want to go for the education, the independance, the no parents, the meting new people and having a laugh (getting drunk). but i don't want to leave the great mates, the security, the still being able to class yourself as a child whenever u pick and choose, the i don't know wat will happen. also i see the students and i see they seem so much more mature than me lol.

i have finally got over the whole gobbit thing. just realised its not my problem to worry about it and that its happened and it is now over. although i would like to see some justice done on both sides because it seems one person has come out of this fine.

on the upside though i have great mates and am happy they are in my lives. i am also great friends with someone else who i am glad to say that they are in my life (georgia). I worked with emily (not middleton btw) on sunday and it was fun. never laughed so much in my life wel i have but u know wat i mean. we had a mini food and teatowel fight and also i manged to chuck a whole jug of orange soda all over the floor thinking it was an empty jug lol (she laughed) thats a good thing. she has a boyfriend though (dammit) but im sure after i have worked the clacky charm shell be mine hahahaha lol pfft yeh ryt but hey its worth a try lol.

neway sorry for me blubbering on bout myself.

Confusion

2009-03-17T23:27:02Z

life has been going alryt for the past couple of weeks, work is good (for once), college is good (am trying to get back into a routine) and so were the results. i know they wern't excelent grades in comparison with people like james etc but fo me they were perfect all i need is a C and i am well on track to get it. this week however has been confusing for me. do u ever just sit there and think sometimes that some things are imposible. like adding 2 and 2 together and trying to get 5. its impossible. i just can't see it. ive put my trust in someone and i feel they have betrayed that. i always thought i was a good judge of character but how wrong could i have been, y did i not see it etc etc etc. so all i have been doing foor the past day and a bit is just thinking about this physical imposibillity. and yet i have no answers. i just don't get it. the problem is, its not my problem to be worrying about but yet i still do, i know this will make no sense to anyone, but just go with it.

on the up though i have met this girl at work who is really nice. she is in yr 11 and is moderetly good looking (i know its shallow) and i am begining to "like" her. down side though is that yet again out of my league and she wuld never go there as i wuld lol. the only person who seems to be in my league is ruth and i know i can't really afford to be shallow but i just don't like her like that. she doesn't do it for me. don't get me wrong though i like her but as an aquaitance. i thin i spelt the last word wrong, ohh dear i am talking to myself on live journal, .... now i should really stop..... ok i will...

luv to all and peace out biatches BRAP!

sad

2009-02-08T23:15:48Z

hav just finished work and hav finally decided i hate it. i don't see the point in me even being there anymore. the list of reasons for hating it so much seems to to go on but her are a few:
1. the staff are always slagging other staff members off ie such us me and all the kp's. i walked in the other day on a chef completely slagging me of and saying how i am so annoying to work with. i don't see what i do which is so annoying. i go there work my ass of and just generally keep my head down.
2. all the kp's take the piss by leaving early leaving me to do the mopping
3. the next day i get shouted at for not doing a good enough job with the mopping
4. my job is physically demanding and when i get home i am wet, have cuts on my hands and they tend to be really saw because they are constantly getting burnt
5. i work 7 hours minimum up to 9 hours some days without a single brake. my mouth is dry and i usually get back to late to even have tea.
6. i only get paid £4,00 an hour for this, it is fucking slave labour

i would love to be stuck behind a till or something like that and get paid a decent wage.

just feel like crying really.have been really down for the past couple of months with all that has been going on and i just don't like to say anything coz i don't want to appear as if i am just moaning about how bad my life is when everybody else equally is having a pretty shit life at the moment.

mum has been majorly depressed recently with my cousin being seriously ill in hospital and money issues. and all she seems to do is take it out on me. these are some of the things apparently i do. "you have got an attitude problem" - "you are so fucking sarcastic sometime" - "your so fucking cocky". etc etc . he always seems to have a go at me for not doing a good job of tidying up or not helping her around the house enough but there are 2 other people in my house who do fuck all and they don't even get moaned at let alone shouted at. another problem is that i get on well with my nan and she feels more comfortable chattin g with me etc and the whole family are so jelous for the fact that she views me as her favourite grandchild so to speak. and that she shows me more attention than she ever did with my mum and aunt, and so my mum seems to think to mention that every argument we have. i told her last nyt that if she thinks that i am such a bad person then i would like to see her bring someone up who really was a bad person.

another thing is that i tend to spend alot of time alone theses days when i am not with friends etc which may i add on the friendship side things are really good at the moment. have made some new friends such as paul ben and kris. although i rarley see them coz i can never really afford to waste money on a meal every 2 weeks.

anyway when i am alone i get really down coz i tend think about things to deeply. one being the whole single thing. i just think about how nice it would be to have someone to hold, and protect etc its the little things like when i went to disneyland the other day, eventhough i had a good time i was slightly envious of those like josh and bek who could exeperience the whole thing together. like silly things like goin on a rollercoaster and just sitting next my girlfriend how great would that be. also i felt really alone on that trip not just coz of the being single thing but because all my friends which were about 3 of them ran off which gave me no chance to tag alone with them. i ended up with a group of people who i kind of forced myself into anfd even though we had a laugh etc i would of loved for me to enjoy it with my friends. i just feel that when some people are with different groups of people they change slightly and so they are like a different person in a way and there is nothing wrong with that coz i am like that aswell.

u hve different roles in different groups to play. for example in my main group im not really that dominant i go along with wat emily or ana agrees etc which is good it works like that whereas in other groups i am more dominant and confident and so i tend to boss about in a nice way lol.

i really apologise for this little rant but i really needed to get it off my large chest hehehe

love jamie

doomsday is nearly upon us

2009-02-08T01:01:54Z

so todays date the 8th of february and the doomsday is 14th of february. yes it is valentines day and once again for the 8th year running i am single. can't imagine that this year my letter box will be overflowing with cards as it has been in the past, haha thats a joke, have never recieved one card, how depressing is that. won't be sending any either. i know the people reading this will bee well gutted that i am not sending them a card maybe next year anna. ; )

apologies to anyone who had endure my depressing post and apologies to anyone who won't be recieving a card from me this year. yes i know you all will be diapointed, espesailly you sophie.

ps. also i would like to mention, is anyone finding sophies behaviour recently a little to desparate to get friends. calling herself rhyds and listening to celine deon. that sounds like a certain group of people i know. tad bit desparate.

ciao for now

2008

2009-01-02T22:53:42Z

so christmas has passed, and it was an alryt one as christmas's go. went to looe for new years eve. was fun although i was expecting it to be a little more busy than it was. the night started in tom sawyers, had a dance and a laugh in there, broke pauls iron man costume. went to the jolly sailor, then went to the port byhan. got slightly drunk but it didn't seem like it as i was lumbered with paul lol. it was an adventure he was drunk he couldn't even stand up. he got kicked out of the quay club. and the bownsers helped me and ruth smuggle him out the back to avoid police although we ended up taking a wrong turn and walking past the police anyway. we managed to get passed 4 sets of police men god knows how. fireworks were nice. we bumped into georgia who was very drunk and was abandoned by her mates which she said would happen. anyway we dragged pull back to the port byhan were paul was very sick and pretty much passed out in th tiolet. some bloke came in and was like "im calling an ambulance" but as we already knew, the ambulance service is too busy to be worrying bout a drunk person. we buggered of back to bens and watched the dark knight. looking back at 2008 wat was good bout it, nothing i pretty much failed my exams (ok i didn;t do as bad as some people but still) and the teachers wouldn't let me forget it. i am still single again. got another year older but still had the same shitty rights as i did the year before. still can't legally drink etc etc. oh yeh and have lost some friends. The year has brought good things like some new friends, a job (finally), a lot more partying, trying to think of other things ah oh yeh. nope nothing is coming to me

day out in plymouth

2008-12-27T22:13:51Z

today went to plymouth with a few random people. went shopping for new chlothes. was an alryt time. spent the day mostly with daryl because he was one of the only people who i actualy enjoyed the company. we went of to do our own thing because we were getting fed up with being told what we had to do and where to go etc etc etc. one minute we are going one place whch pleases most people and then we change and all i wanted to do was have a gd time and i couldn't coz i culdn't anything coz there priorities needed to be met over anyone elses. if u want to go round in a group we need to decide collectivley wat to do not just 1 person. so me and daryl went maccy d's and then played pool before going to the cinema. the movie was quite good. twilight. we asked if anyone wanted to ome but apparently no one wanted to so we just watched the movie by ourselves. i thnik they went bowling. as long as everyone was having a gd time then that was fine i wuld have liked for emily to hav gone aaswell coz she is the voice of reason and i think we wuld of had little more of laugh.

don't get offended it is how i feel.

paullen @ 2008-12-18T16:34:00

2008-12-18T16:39:32Z

well i thought as teachers have quite blatenly told me how they feel about me i think it is time for a little report on their teaaching

which teacher do i start with ah oh yes DR DIXON or DR DICKHEAD as i would prefer to call him. i feel it has a better ring to it. so he is a complete knob. he is so arrogant, look how fit and healthy i am, don't u think i am good looking. NO u r not any of these u have a massive head and u r in ur 40's. he thinks that james is the best thing since sliced bread. i mean it such an injustice that he didn't get an offer fgrom cambridge. NO he is sht. also he teaches the "clever" ones. and then at the end of the lesson he says well i think we all know that comfortibly. the worst thing he does is get all the past grades up and says oh look at the class aren't they doing wonerfull. but oh look at jamie he isn't he has got a D. put ur hand up if u failed module 2 which by the way was the easiest module. so i failed it and didn't put my hand up so he goes jamie didn't u fail it. AHHHHH WAT A FUCKIN KNOB
SO I GIVE HIM A GRADE A LEVEL TWAT
Mr power, well wat can i say i think he has had some classes on confidence biulding, NOT. all he has to say is ur fuckin shit ur all gunna fail u r lazy and can't be assed to do the work. ahh i feel so much better about myself and then when i say i prefer to do it through exam mark schemes he goes well i don't like to do it that way. NEWS FLASH u r not doing the exam we r. fucking knob. by the way did i mention that this is so easy this paper. yeh its easy for u, u have a chemistry degree
SO I GIVE HIM A GRADE A LEVEL TWAT
mr green. he does the same as DR DICKHEAD he puts all the grades up on the board and says good luck u r going to need it. also i can't be doing with his sarcastic fuckin answers to my questions. absolulty not helpful.
SO I GIVE HIM A GRADE A LEVEL TWAT
ms block, she gets on my tits, fucking anerexcic bitch. oh how much exercise does everybody do how fit is everyone. fat people shuld be killed, hello dunno if u noticed but i am not exactly thin and i am the only one in the class. she makes me feel so shit bout myself to the point were i culd put my finger down my throat after every meal. she always mentions how fat people shouldn't get treated on the NHS and shuld just be left to die and she was like i am not gunna join the organ donor list becaude i wuldn't want my stomach to go to a fat person.
SHE IS A GRADE A LEVEL TWAT
mr gobbit, actually like him but he can't teach and so i don't distrupt the trend i give him a grade a level twat

overall mark

DR DICKHEAD = TWAT (A)

MR "IVE GOT A CHEMISTRY DEGREE" POWER = TWAT (A)

MR "SARCASTIC" GREEN = TWAT (A)

MS "ANOREXIC" BLOCK = TWAT (A)

MR GOBBIT = TWAT (A)

1i think my marking is execellent now tell me my marking is shit DR DICKHEAD

apologies for that it needed to be done. no apologies to the teacher part from gobbit

shit

2008-11-23T17:58:20Z

my cousin has been in the cancer ward in bristol for the past week and now it is not looking good. all week i have tried to be the strong one and say that everything is guna b alryt and i actually meant it but after that phone call i think he may die. he is in intesive care and if he doesn't get better in 48 hours the machines are being turned off. he is only 5. i can't cry or get upset coz it will only make others be even more upset. i just want someone to talk to bout it rather than family. to top iit off am feeling guilty bout goin to the party tonyt

eventfull

2008-10-26T19:50:46Z

omg wat a laugh the past couple of days have been. on friday was the party as it is known. lol. so wat can i remember. most things but they are slighlty sketchy. so the begining of the evening was a bit shite. and i was feeling a little woried coz loads of people showed up. it got a bit better as the nyt progressed and i got a little more drunk and i started to relax a little. i never really have good fun unless my party buddy georgia gets there coz she livens the palce up. and dances woop woop. neway back to the beggining of the evening. not much really hapenend. halfway through the evening i puked up in the toilet and i can remember that the toilet water was green b efore i puked up in it. it loooked like apple sours. i think somebody put food colouring in it lol.; i then passed out on anas bed and fell out of it doing soem sort of head stand lol. daryl saved me. cheerz for thhat. after my half hour nap i woke up to find myself drinking again and being rapped in toilet role by some random chavs that turned up. but sophie scared them away with her teakwondo skills (oh shit she will kill me for not being able to spell her teakwondo wrong) and with the help of georgia lol. later on that eveniong i found myself in a game of spoin the bottle which ended in me having me in my boxers, ana cupped and noseled my crotch. me pulling ruth and me licking salsa of anas clevage oh dear. went to bed after that and found myself sleaping in a bed with vikki, georgia and ruth. no word of a lie ruth was trying to smuther me with her fucking beasts and then she started stroking and hugging me. yuk needed a strong shower after that lol. nxt morning was funny lol woke up to find a home made bong in the middle of the living room (oh dear) and a hole in anas roof hehe. then some twat called becky i think put a whole thing of butter in the bucket of drink. she placed squashed tomatos in everything and even cracked a few eggs here and there. she poured milk in anas oven aswell. we found about 50 squashed bananas around the place aswell lol. there was beans in the overspill and a stolen cone got stolen lol how dare u steal wat is all ready stolen lol. me georgia vikki and anna spent the whole day tidying up and then spent the evening watching x factor woop woop lol anyway lol sorry for the details lol

much better

2008-10-19T10:49:22Z

las nyt was so good another party lol woop more alcohol more drunk antics hehehe. apologies bouyt the previous post. i do go a bit silly. feeling much better bout things.
soi muh went on last nyt it actually was funny. i shalkl not go into detail coz some people may be slightly embaressed and i don't think they want everyone toknow. lets just say there was some girl on girl action in the shower lol.
anyway i am tired off to bed now

not really feeling anything

2008-10-18T15:09:14Z

yesterday was really good. it was the 6th form party and so was kinda looking forward to it coz i havn't been to one since last christmas. had a wierd day at first coz wen i got home i found my mum and step mum having a bitching session about my dad. lol i think its funny hehehe but confusing. neway i left for ana's and we had a great time or as carolyn wuld say a boss time lol. did loads of shot6s etc bla blah blah lol. we then went to the PARTY which was awsome ( oh dear did i just wtrite that i sound like ana) we came back to anas after and had wild drinking gmes (whats the name of the fucking game) lol woo. and everyone was having a good time and then the 1st of severall incedents happened. one of my goosd friends pulled someone and it shouldn't affect me but it actually hurt. i didn't think she was into men that is y i gave up on her. i know it sounds wierd that but people will know wat i mean. this is were the self pitty omes in coz i just had thoughts through m,y head bout y i am never good enough to be anmore than a friend. im always just a ftriend. meh. then she pulled a girl which didn't affect me so much i dont know y. probally coz i would expect it more. then today i was at asda and the guy made a comment which actually killed me. 2 reasons, he was being so god damm disrespectful bout this person all he wanted to do is get in her pants. and thesecond is that the comment implied that they did more than just kiss. i acctually can't stop thinking bout it so that is y i thought i might post coz i need o get it of m chest. oh dear a tear lol. i don't want to get in her pants at evry given oppurtunity, maybe that is were i go wrong lol i should change maybe. or it also could be to do with me being un atractive. i know it is self pitty who cares itll make me feel better lol. neway sorry for boring u with this long post.
ps but i am happy if she is happy so if she had a good time then that is the main thing. and its not like she shouldn't beable to do these things coz it may hurt my feelings. she is 18 she should be able to have a laugh which means getting off with everyone lol woop.

apologies

2008-09-03T14:12:18Z

apologies for yesterdays rant. just to clear up, am really not offended at all. hope we are kwl. really apreciated wat u wrote bout me and just wanted to let u know that i feel the same way. (apologies for the stalking) wast ist A a is for tom clutsom is a asshole. wast ist B b is for tom clutsom is a bastard ....... etc lol.

ahhh rant rant rant

2008-09-02T17:05:27Z

screw this am actually male.if u r reading this post plz don't get offended coz there really isn't nething bitchy on here just how i feel at this moment in time and probally won't feel this way wen i speak nto u nxt btw. today was cool went down town with anna and daryl we had fun as per usual. i love gooin down waffles and then milling about in the park etc. stuf with friends are good atm although am getting annoyed with other people who used to be really good friends and now just couldn't give a toss to make the effort although one person did start to drift off but they have made the effort to hang with us especially today although it annoyed me slightly that the person lied bout were they were going afterwards. just want them to know that i am not bothered bout it. u can have more than 1 set of friends and that u need to not tell us that u r metting up with them coz u think we wukld get aannoyed. neway coming bak to other people who r genuinly annoying me is someone who pretty much was our close friend for bout 3 years because people didn't approach her and now people approach her she pretty much has let us behind. im not saying there is a problem with getting friends but to kind of not make the effort with friends which have been there for u in those tough years is a bit tight. wat i find even more annoying is wen this person has the cheek to say that she never fit in with us. y hang round with us if u never fitted in. oh ande another ting is that this person says it is our ault coz we aren't making new friends. i speak 4 the whole group i feel wen i say that we all r capable of making new friends but we are happy with the present ones thsnk u very much. there is one person i feel closer to than most atm although i feel after reading some posts i feel i have got to know and understand em alot better emotionally. she is quite hard person to read coz she is always happy and joky. and to read the posts is good because i feel i understand her more.

its her birthday on thursday and we go back to school so that will be fun. and the meal is on saturday so that kinda will be fun. i admit i changed kims meal to 8 rather than 7.30 but i don't regret it although i did change the time bak. i feel that one person is a bit pissed of with me but there were 2 other people with me at the time who were willing me to do it but i have probs got the blame. but kim kinda deserved it coz she went and organised a meal with loads of people without asking em bout it. she said she wanted just a few people to go the meal and was annoyed with kim but i doubt she really is. but who am i to say how she thinks.

on the relationship side of things i am so lonely right now. really want a girlfriend, just someone to hold and share my love and stuff with. need someone to hug and hold. sniff sniff. oh well will just have to put up with it atm. someday. i think its funny that the girl which i completly fell for like seriously ended up fancying women. even knowing that, i still fancy her. she is so cute and just (havn't got the words to say) and just want to hug her. such a cute smile and just edible in a non caniball like way.

probally shuldn't have written all of this coz it really is depressing. ha ho once again don't get offended coz i really don't mean to be harsh just honest

even more stress

2008-08-22T17:22:30Z

today couldn't have gone any worse. i tried phoning mike and he wouldn't answer his phone. apparently my ex has beeen spreading rumors around that i am the local bike and so he doesn't want to know. in absolute agony as me monthly's have started and have no one to talk to. anyway there is a light at the end of the tunnel as i shall be jet setting it off to the bahamas for a week with my family which consists of about a gazzilion people. (slight exsagiration) talking of family, my mum is annoying me right now she doesn't understand me and think she knows why i feel the way i feel but in actual fact she couldn't be far wrong. apparently i always have an attitude and that it is because i am a teenager full of anger against society but all it really is, is that i try to defend myself when my mum accuses me of something.

paullen @ 2008-08-21T19:11:00

2008-08-21T18:16:44Z

such a stressfull day today. have broken up with my boyfriend after i found out he was cheating on me with some stupid slag. he told me it wasn't me it was him. ha what a cliche. although what he doesn't know is that i already have been seeing mike for the past month and 3 days. ahhhh. and to top it all off i now don't have any friends because i am not cool enough. hopefully me and mike can make a go of things. every cloud has a silver lining

paullen @ 2008-08-21T19:05:00

2008-08-21T18:08:20Z

friends have been asking me to join for ages and have finnally got round to doing it. havn't done anything today really looking forward to starting new job