had quite a good week this week, spending a litte time on my own just going here and there, its nice to get some piece and quiet. was looking forward to the pub quiz but now im not so sure. last year it was great because there was no bikering and selfishness over the name choosing, it wasn't a big deal. i felt comfortable going coz there was no one telling me how i should behave, nobody looking down on me. it was fun but this week i have alrady noticed people doing that. first of all its all over the name, oh this is inappropriate, this is shit. our name now is just as innapropriate as the others. its not fair. most people would find them funny, the way i see it is that their parents are going and because they are going, they don't want to have a rude name because they feel embarresed and they know that parents are dead against it. i don't see why we should have to suffer. i couldn't care less what everyone thinks at the pub quiz. i never will see half the people there. im there to have fun, i don't want to be there to be looked down on because we have came up with a rude name "gasp". so now all nyt i can see it being .oh lets calm down coz wat wuld the people on the nxt table think, i couldn't give a flying toss if the people on the next table for example say some teachers think. tbh im just thinking of not going all together now.

another thing i really need to set straight becuase it has fucked me ryt off in the past week is this attitude that i am slagging peoples parents off. i like ur mum and dad and have never said anything bad against them. of course i am gunna be pissed of if ur parents are telling u, u look like a tramp or watever. ur my best friend and i know how long it takes to get confidence and that really is not useful for self confidence. if my parents ever did tht i wuld really bloody let them know how much they pissed me off. the paragraph above also cld be taken as an attack but it isn't. all i am trying to say is yes people have different views on wats appropriate but that doesn't mean that evryone should be expected to act that way. it isn't fair. and also i hate the idea that we are seen as a bad influence on u. ok i know they defo think em is, (u know that neway em) and yeh em does get a bit silly about ur mum sometimes and yeh its not nice but that doesn't mean that everyone has to have their head snapped off. 

when i go tommorow i am not being quiet, i am gunna scream and shout. im gunna have a laugh and if people don't like it, they will have to deal with it won't they. 

y is it that my parents can't seem to get the concept of coursework. they spent a whole hour today lecturing me on how i have been going to bed really late and because i wake up a little later than usual, they blame me for staying up and watching the tele. i stated that all nyt every nyt i was up untill 2 doing my coursework. so they said we will start having to punish u if u don't get up early. the punishment is that i am not allowed to stay up past 10. they suggested that i do couresork until 10 everynyt and give myself the weekend off. hello how the fuck culd i have done that. it needed to get done. idiots. then they were like, we want u to do well and go to uni, we don't want u to be tired because u have spent the whole nyt watching tele.  and then as a result miss college. hello y the hell d u think i am tired, trying to get into fucking uni.

to conclude. parents want me to go bed early so that i am not tired thus get into uni. but really i have to stay up late to finish courework to get into uni.  but if oversleep i have to go be early which means i don't get coursework done so then i don't get into uni but they seem to think that making me go bed early will prepare me for uni and make me get into uni. wtf.

also wats with the punishment thing. surely its my deccission and i am 17. stuff like that don't work on me unfortunatley for them

life has been going alryt for the past couple of weeks, work is good (for once), college is good (am trying to get back into a routine) and so were the results. i know they wern't excelent grades in comparison with people like james etc but fo me they were perfect all i need is a C and i am well on track to get it. this week however has been confusing for me. do u ever just sit there and think sometimes that some things are imposible. like adding 2 and 2 together and trying to get 5. its impossible. i just can't see it. ive put my trust in someone and i feel they have betrayed that. i always thought i was a good judge of  character but how wrong could i have been, y did i not see it etc etc etc. so all i have been doing foor the past day and a bit is just thinking about this physical imposibillity. and yet i have no answers. i just don't get it. the problem is, its not my problem to be worrying about but yet i still do,  i know this will make no sense to anyone, but just go with it.

on the up though i have met this girl at work who is really nice. she is in yr 11 and is moderetly good looking (i know its shallow) and i am begining to "like" her. down side though is that yet again out of my league and she wuld never go there as i wuld lol. the only person who seems to be in my league is ruth and i know i can't really afford to be shallow but i just don't like her like that. she doesn't do it for me. don't get me wrong though i like her but as an aquaitance. i thin i spelt the last word wrong, ohh dear i am talking to myself on live journal, .... now i should really stop..... ok i will... 

luv to all and peace out biatches BRAP! 
 

hav just finished work and hav finally decided i hate it. i don't see the point in me even being there anymore. the list of reasons for hating it so much seems to to go on but her are a few:
1. the staff are always slagging other staff members off ie such us me and all the kp's. i walked in the other day on a chef completely slagging me of and saying how i am so annoying to work with. i don't see what i do which is so annoying. i go there work my ass of and just generally keep my head down.  
2. all the kp's take the piss by leaving early leaving me to do the mopping
3. the next day i get shouted at for not doing a good enough job with the mopping
4. my job is physically demanding and when i get home i am wet, have cuts on my hands and they tend to be really saw because they are constantly getting burnt
5. i work 7 hours minimum up to 9 hours some days without a single brake. my mouth is dry and i usually get back to late to even have tea.
6. i only get paid £4,00 an hour for this, it is fucking slave labour

i would love to be stuck behind a till or something like that and get paid a decent wage.

just feel like crying really.have been really down for the past couple of months with all that has been going on and i just don't like to say anything coz i don't want to appear as if i am just moaning about how bad my life is when everybody else equally is having a pretty shit life at the moment.

mum has been majorly depressed recently with my cousin being seriously ill in hospital and money issues. and all she seems to do is take it out on me. these are some of the things apparently i do. "you have got an attitude problem" - "you are so fucking sarcastic sometime" - "your so fucking cocky". etc etc . he always seems to have a go at me for not doing a good job of tidying up or not helping her around the house enough but there are 2 other people in my house who do fuck all and they don't even get moaned at let alone shouted at. another problem is that i get on well with my nan and she feels more comfortable chattin g with me etc and the whole family are so jelous for the fact that she views me as her favourite grandchild so to speak. and that she shows me more attention than she ever did with my mum and aunt, and so my mum seems to think to mention that every argument we have. i told her last nyt that if she thinks that i am such a bad person then i would like to see her bring someone up who really was a bad person. 

another thing is that i tend to spend alot of time alone theses days when i am not with friends etc which may i add on the friendship side things are really good at the moment. have made some new friends such as paul ben and kris. although i rarley see them coz i can never really afford to waste money on a meal every 2 weeks.
 
anyway when i am alone i get really down coz i tend think about things to deeply. one being the whole single thing. i just think about how nice it would be to have someone to hold, and protect etc its the little things like when i went to disneyland the other day, eventhough i had a good time i was slightly envious of those like josh and bek who could exeperience the whole thing together. like silly things like goin on a rollercoaster and just sitting next my girlfriend how great would that be. also i felt really alone on that trip not just coz of the being single thing but because all my friends which were about 3 of them ran off which gave me no chance to tag alone with them. i ended up with a group of people who i kind of forced myself into anfd even though we had a laugh etc i would of loved for me to enjoy it with my friends. i just feel that when some people are with different groups of people they change slightly and so they are like a different person in a way and there is nothing wrong with that coz i am like that aswell.

u hve different roles in different groups to play.  for example in my main group im not really that dominant i go along with wat emily or ana agrees etc which is good it works like that whereas in other groups i am more dominant and confident and so i tend to boss about in a nice way lol. 

i really apologise for this little rant but i really needed to get it off my large chest hehehe

love jamie  

well i thought as teachers have quite blatenly told me how they feel about me i think it is time for a little report on their teaaching

which teacher do i start with ah oh yes DR DIXON or DR DICKHEAD  as i would prefer to call him. i feel it has  a better ring to it. so he is a complete knob. he is so arrogant, look how fit and healthy i am, don't u think i am good looking.  NO u r not any of these u have a massive head and u r in ur 40's. he thinks that james is the best thing since sliced bread. i mean it such an injustice that he didn't get an offer fgrom cambridge. NO he is sht. also he teaches the "clever" ones. and then at the end of the lesson he says well i think we all know that comfortibly. the worst thing he does is get all the past grades up and says oh look at the class aren't they doing wonerfull. but oh look at jamie he isn't he has got a D. put ur hand up if u failed module 2 which by the way was the easiest  module. so i failed it and didn't put my hand up so he goes jamie didn't u fail it. AHHHHH WAT A FUCKIN KNOB
SO I GIVE HIM A GRADE A LEVEL TWAT
Mr power, well wat can i say i think he has had some classes on confidence biulding, NOT. all he has to say is ur fuckin shit ur all gunna fail u r lazy and can't be assed to do the work. ahh i feel so much better about myself and then when i say i prefer to do it through exam mark schemes he goes well i don't like to do it that way. NEWS FLASH u r not doing the exam we r.  fucking knob. by the way did i mention that this is so easy this paper. yeh its easy for u, u have a chemistry degree 
SO I GIVE HIM A GRADE A LEVEL TWAT
mr green. he does the same as DR DICKHEAD he puts all the grades up on the board and says good luck u r going to need it. also i can't be doing with his sarcastic fuckin answers to my questions. absolulty not helpful. 
SO I GIVE HIM A GRADE A LEVEL TWAT
ms block, she gets on my tits, fucking anerexcic bitch. oh how much exercise does everybody do how fit is everyone. fat people shuld be killed, hello dunno if u noticed but i am not exactly thin and i am the only one in the class. she makes me feel so shit bout myself to the point were i culd put my finger down my throat after every meal. she always mentions how fat people shouldn't get treated on the NHS and shuld just be left to die and she was like i am not gunna join the organ donor list becaude i wuldn't want my stomach to go to a fat person. 
SHE IS A GRADE A LEVEL TWAT
mr gobbit, actually like him but he can't teach and so i don't distrupt the trend i give him a grade a level twat

overall mark

DR DICKHEAD = TWAT (A)

MR "IVE GOT A CHEMISTRY DEGREE" POWER = TWAT (A)

MR "SARCASTIC" GREEN = TWAT (A)

MS "ANOREXIC" BLOCK = TWAT (A)

MR GOBBIT = TWAT (A)

1i think my marking is execellent now tell me my marking is shit DR DICKHEAD









apologies for that it needed to be done. no apologies to the teacher part from gobbit